Amy Jackson: The marks of domestic violence | Advocates for ...

Editor?s note: This column is in reference to the murder of Silverthorne mother Stephanie Roller Bruner in 2010. Her husband, Dale Bruner, was found guilty of second-degree murder in July and awaits sentencing.

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I never knew Stephanie Roller Bruner, but I know her story well. Every day in the United States, three women are killed by their husband, ex-husband, boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. Advocates for Victims of Assault had the privilege of sitting through the recent trial to support Stephanie?s family and friends. We heard a story of a victim and a perpetrator that is all too common. Through comprehensive review of the cases in which intimate partners are killed by their perpetrators, certain warning signs have been identified that increase the level of risk to a victim of domestic violence. Many of these warning signs were present in Stephanie?s relationship: The victim attempting to leave the relationship, the use of strangulation, and choosing to not report an incident to law enforcement. Some of the decisions a victim of domestic violence makes may be confusing to friends and family, yet when understood within the context of an abusive relationship begin to make sense.Many people ask, ?Why don?t they leave?? My response to that question is, ?If you have been told repeatedly that I will kill you if you leave me,? and prior violence of some kind has already been demonstrated against you or your children, it becomes understandable why a victim might choose to stay in or return to that relationship. Leaving does not mean safety and, in fact, increases the risk to a victim. Staying can be a way of protecting oneself and one?s children. Many mothers feel they can have more control over a perpetrator?s violence if they remain in the relationship rather than feel the overwhelming anxiety of not knowing when or how the offender may strike. In addition, if a couple has children, a parenting plan will be established in which a perpetrator may be given unfettered access to the children. If she stays, she believes she may be able to protect the children.

The presence of strangulation in a current relationship or in previous relationships is one of the strongest predictors of future homicide in domestic violence cases. Strangulation is one of the most lethal and terrifying forms of violence women experience in intimate relationships. It is an intimate crime and one that should create concern.

And finally, many victims of domestic violence do not report an incident to law enforcement. Victims don?t report because they are afraid of retaliation from the perpetrator; don?t believe that the police can do anything about the abuse; want to protect their children from police interaction; and are embarrassed to make their private hell public.

Many people supported Stephanie through this nightmare. Sometimes we do all we know to do, and the worst still happens.

Many thanks to those who worked so hard to bring about some form of justice in this case. We all should be proud of the work of the Silverthorne Police Department, Summit County Rescue Group and our district attorney?s office.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please contact the Advocates for assistance. (970) 668-3906 or?www.summitadvocates.org.

Amy Jackson is executive director of Advocates for Victims of Assault in Summit County.

Source: http://www.summitadvocates.org/news/amy-jackson-the-marks-of-domestic-violence-2/

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